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When you have a child who has behaviors that are labeled with adjectives such as "at risk", "high functioning", and "main streamed", sometimes it's hard to navigate in the vast world of the Autistic Spectrum.  Sometimes it feels like you don't quite fit in because there are so many kids that have more serious issues than your child has, they qualify for more services and seem more "in need" than your child is, and it can lead to feeling guilty or worse, may lead to your abandoning acceptance of your child's needs. 

There is a distinguishable difference between using the label of Autism as an excuse for your child's behavior and acceptance of the label to understand how your child learns to guide him through the growing process.  I've never been comfortable with the phrase "He does that because he's Autistic".  I don't like what that implies.  Our attitudes affect our behavior and choices and when we approach the Autistic diagnosis in this manner, we are missing a huge piece of the Autism puzzle.  A child with Autism is not mentally retarded.  A child with Autism is often not learning important development in ways that "normal" children do.  By understanding your own child's unique way of learning, you can teach your child certain developmental milestones that he may have missed.  Progress is possible, but if the attitude you approach your child with is "oh, he's just that way" then you are missing an opportunity to help him grow. 

Autistic behaviors, like chewing or meltdowns, are difficult to overcome....almost impossible at times.  But a child, any child for that matter, needs to be given the tools to cope and work through it.   An autistic child often has a "disorganized" brain.  You need to approach your child and navigate through his individual disorganization.  What is he/she able to organize?  What areas "speak" to your child?  Use those areas of strength to guide your child through the areas where he struggles. 

 For my son, when he was 3, he was glued to the GPS when we were driving.  He needed to know where we were going, where we were, how we were getting somewhere, etc.  My son ended up learning to read that year because of that GPS.  It started with street signs and moved from there.   By the time he entered Kindergarten, he was reading at a 2nd grade level.  Now, at the time, the GPS drove me crazy and if I didn't use it, even for a trip to the bank, there would be meltdowns and frustration.  I slowly had to introduce the "secret spy way" into the mix so that he could cope with not always having the GPS on.  Sometimes mommy just had to take a secret spy way.  To this day, if I drive to a known location and go a different route, he'll say to me, "hey, you took a secret spy way'.  Regardless of your technique, you need to jump into their heads, play their games, and be in their world.  We try so hard to get them in our world by our own navigation that we often hit boulders in the road.   By going into their world and playing along, we can introduce our world to them.  But they aren't comfortable in it until we become comfortable in theirs.  Together you can do this.  Don't worry about the Autistic Spectrum or the exact adjectives used to describe your child's condition.  Navigate his/her pathway together and there will be individualized progress at every bend in the road.  The road keeps going and it's full of rocks, but as a mom and a dad, the only thing that matters is that kid that's entrusted to you. You can't move the rocks out of the way.  You have to bulldoze right through them.

Article worth the read.

Click here for an interesting article from Cal Tech on Autism. They think there might be a connection between a viral infection in the mother during pregnancy and autism. Still researching, but interesting theory. I like the tone of the article and the approach about defining what autism is.

He Helps Me to Stay Good

I keep waiting to write and update about Kindergarten.  I keep thinking that I haven't given it enough time to really give an accurate picture on how it is going. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Shame on me.

John is doing exceptional in Kindergarten.  While being denied at our final IEP (about 2 weeks into the school year) with the public school district, words such as "exceptional", "fantastic", and "wonderful" were being used to describe my son.  The evaluators said that he got to parts of the test that they normally don't administer (usually a child will "top out" on a section of the test when they get 3 wrong in a row, or something similar to that---they keep administering that section until he tops out.) Many sections, John was able to get into 5th grade material.  I never doubted his intellectual ability.  I've never questioned his academic ability.  We always knew he was smart, even brilliant in some areas.  Now we had some testing that showed that.  Needless to say, these test results were showing us that his "issues" were not interfering with his ability to learn.  In fact, he was accelerated in many areas.

As far as Kindergarten itself, John has integrated well.  He is focused, attentive, wants to please, and keeps up with the daily demands placed on him.  He is well behaved and socially at the level he needs to be.  He has made a best friend and has a group of buddies.  He is reading 5th grade level words and his reading comprehension is at a 3rd grade level.  He is highly interested in math and doing 1st grade level skills.  He is struggling with his writing and drawing as it relates to spacial relationships.  He is still going to OT and working on fine motor skills, sensory processing, and eating.  He is now one third of his way through the school year and everything is going better than we could have even hoped for, considering that when he was 2 and a half, they told me he was only functioning at a 10-17 month old developmental level.   He was only functioning at one third his chronological age.  They had prepared me that there was a chance he may never function at the appropriate age level of his peers.  There were so many unanswered questions and "what if"s back then.

John is an amazing little boy who has worked so hard to be where he is at.  I am so proud of him.  I cannot tell you how relaxed and at peace I have become on this journey.  I owe it all to faith, prayers and hard work. 

John goes to a private school and on Fridays they go to mass.  One morning, the priest was asking the children where God is.   John raised his hand.  Into the microphone, he said that God is in his heart.  The priest turned to John and said, "what is he doing in there?".  John replied, "He helps me to stay good".

Starting Kindergarten

Lots of thoughts, fears, and excitement have been built up for tomorrow.  I feel like we've spent the last 3 years working towards this one day.  There is a whole life for John past Kindergarten and yet, there is something very special about tomorrow.  I have spent the whole summer, going back and forth between feelings of "he's ready" to "there is no way he's going to be able to do this".

But, no matter how tomorrow goes and no matter how the year goes, John has been preparing for milestones like this since we found out about his at risk behaviors.  We have helped John become ready by being proactive parents when we were told that something wasn't quite right.  Regardless of a label or the absence of a diagnosis, every child struggles with something.  I'm at a point where I can say that I am proud of Bill and I for being proactive in learning what it was John needed to succeed.  I am proud of my boy who is now entering Kindergarten at a private school with his sister.  There was a time when we didn't know if they would be going to the same school or not.

I am proud of the therapists at Casa Colina and the teachers John has had along the way.  La Verne Parent Participation Preschool and My Gym Little Learners were the best pre-K prep for John.  He excelled this year and I'm so thankful that we decided to have him wait a year for Kindergarten.  John has a big heart and this year, he was able to show it off.  The growth he has shown has been amazing and watching him over the last year made me realize that the pathway we went down 3 years ago was the best thing that happened to us.

The people we have met, the programs he's been in, the friends we've made, the stumbles we've had, and the teachers he's learned from has led us to be in a wonderful place today.  It's why I've written this blog.  Being proactive and learning how to help John navigate the world has been (and will continue to be) the best (and hardest) thing I've ever done and will do.  This journey has taught me to appreciate development and not take simple milestones for granted.  We really have only just begun, but I've learned to rejoice in the milestones along the way.  And right now, I want to take a breath and enjoy where we are and not worry about where we are going.  Right now, I want to celebrate his successes.   I don't want a label to set him up for failure  --- I want the journey to build his confidence.

Here's to Kindergarten.