The Baseball Game

So John is afraid of fire drills. He found out there was going to be one at school yesterday and we had a meltdown before school. How did I get him out of his funk? I went to his world...

Well, John, life is a baseball game. When it's your turn to bat, you can't just hide in the dugout because you're afraid of the pitcher. The pitcher might be a bully at school, a hard test, a scary ride at Disneyland, or a fire drill. Even if the pitcher seems scary, you have to step up to the plate. Sometimes you might strike out, but sometimes you hit a home run. The umpire is there to make sure the rules of the game are followed. Can you imagine if the umpire wasn't there? Well, I'm the ump, John. I might make bad calls sometimes, but that doesn't matter because whatever call the ump makes is the official call of the game. Sometimes those calls are going to be quiet and sometimes those calls are going to be loud. Sometimes, I'll tell you to just go take your base.

Your coach is Jesus -- he can't play the game for you, but he's there helping you along the way. (like the first and third base coach, mom?) Yes, John. Your team is your family and your friends and they are in the dugout, cheering you on as you step up to the plate. They'll be there to tell you it's ok if you strike out and to celebrate with you when you make a great play. But, you have to take your turn at bat... you can't sit out the game in the dugout. Everybody gets their turn at bat -- remember that. Remember that even though you might have two strikes against you, you still have another swing. When it's your turn in the dugout and someone else is up to bat, encourage them to do well. Now, go to school and hit a home run for me ok?

J: Mom, baseball is my happiest memories. Thanks I'm calm now.

After school, "Mom, I hit a home run today. I'm no longer scared of fire drills. I just needed one more experience to make the play. And, I moved up to yellow (behavior scale at school) It's been a great day".

I love that kid.

Navigation

When you have a child who has behaviors that are labeled with adjectives such as "at risk", "high functioning", and "main streamed", sometimes it's hard to navigate in the vast world of the Autistic Spectrum.  Sometimes it feels like you don't quite fit in because there are so many kids that have more serious issues than your child has, they qualify for more services and seem more "in need" than your child is, and it can lead to feeling guilty or worse, may lead to your abandoning acceptance of your child's needs. 

There is a distinguishable difference between using the label of Autism as an excuse for your child's behavior and acceptance of the label to understand how your child learns to guide him through the growing process.  I've never been comfortable with the phrase "He does that because he's Autistic".  I don't like what that implies.  Our attitudes affect our behavior and choices and when we approach the Autistic diagnosis in this manner, we are missing a huge piece of the Autism puzzle.  A child with Autism is not mentally retarded.  A child with Autism is often not learning important development in ways that "normal" children do.  By understanding your own child's unique way of learning, you can teach your child certain developmental milestones that he may have missed.  Progress is possible, but if the attitude you approach your child with is "oh, he's just that way" then you are missing an opportunity to help him grow. 

Autistic behaviors, like chewing or meltdowns, are difficult to overcome....almost impossible at times.  But a child, any child for that matter, needs to be given the tools to cope and work through it.   An autistic child often has a "disorganized" brain.  You need to approach your child and navigate through his individual disorganization.  What is he/she able to organize?  What areas "speak" to your child?  Use those areas of strength to guide your child through the areas where he struggles. 

 For my son, when he was 3, he was glued to the GPS when we were driving.  He needed to know where we were going, where we were, how we were getting somewhere, etc.  My son ended up learning to read that year because of that GPS.  It started with street signs and moved from there.   By the time he entered Kindergarten, he was reading at a 2nd grade level.  Now, at the time, the GPS drove me crazy and if I didn't use it, even for a trip to the bank, there would be meltdowns and frustration.  I slowly had to introduce the "secret spy way" into the mix so that he could cope with not always having the GPS on.  Sometimes mommy just had to take a secret spy way.  To this day, if I drive to a known location and go a different route, he'll say to me, "hey, you took a secret spy way'.  Regardless of your technique, you need to jump into their heads, play their games, and be in their world.  We try so hard to get them in our world by our own navigation that we often hit boulders in the road.   By going into their world and playing along, we can introduce our world to them.  But they aren't comfortable in it until we become comfortable in theirs.  Together you can do this.  Don't worry about the Autistic Spectrum or the exact adjectives used to describe your child's condition.  Navigate his/her pathway together and there will be individualized progress at every bend in the road.  The road keeps going and it's full of rocks, but as a mom and a dad, the only thing that matters is that kid that's entrusted to you. You can't move the rocks out of the way.  You have to bulldoze right through them.

Bringing the Work to the Home

Casa Colina Children's Services' work sessions inspired me to go shopping and bring it into the home. Here is where the title of my blog, Proactive Parenting comes from. By bringing the early intervention into the home, I am able to increase his progress and reinforce what the therapists are teaching in the classroom. Any educator will tell you that if parents reinforce their work in the home, the success rate increases.

I found a plastic bin and began collecting things around the house I could use and created a "work" bin. I went shopping at a local teacher's educational store and found many of the same tools the therapists were using during John's work sessions. I was creating this for both of my kids. Each one would get some time each day to do "work". These toys and educational activities would only be available to John and Katie when we had one-on-one work time.

Katie just turned 4 and has been in preschool two days a week since January. She is a very advanced child, who began reading at age 3, has a photo graphic memory, and began talking at 10 months old. She is very polite, a mature talker, and always demands attention wherever she is. She is a little performer, reciting books she has memorized, movie lines she loves, and dances in circles. She has a hard time waiting for the buzzer to go off when it's John's work time so her work time can begin. She loves for me to create 'new work' for her each time we sit down.

John loves work time at home and is always trying to find where I have put the bin. He is always excited when I announce work time. He also reacts the same way he does in the classroom --- he is ready to clean up and is "all done" pretty quickly after an activity starts. He also yawns about 10 minutes into a session.

My bin includes:

• Colored plastic teddy bears; 6 colors
• Colored rubber vehicles; 6 colors, 6 vehicles
• Colored rubber animals; 6 colors, 6 animals, 2 sizes
• 6 colored bowls for sorting objects
• Colored plastic frogs with holes for stringing together; 6 colors, 3 sizes
• 3 wooden puzzles; alphabet, numbers, animals
• 4 books - shapes, first words, colors, animals
• Bubbles
• Flash Cards - Nouns, Action Verbs, Adjectives, Things at School, Things in a Child's Day
• Wooden Blocks
• Plastic Shapes - geometric patterns
• Mr. Potato Head
• Play Dough

What is great about these things is that I am able to structure the "work" to the level of the child, using these toys for a variety of levels. Both Katie and John can benefit from the "work" I create using the same tools. For example, John may be string frogs to work on fine motor skills, but Katie is stringing them in a pattern I create for her.

I set the timer for each child so there is a specified length for our work. The added structure helps all of us organize our brains. Remember, although we call it work time, it is play therapy. It's just playing with our kids, using a little bit of structure in how you play. Each child is going to be different in their goals and how much structure they need, but the idea is the same.

Sample Activities:

• Place 6 colored bowls on the table or floor in front of John
• Hold up 2 colored bears
• Ask him to pick the RED one and place it in the RED bowl
• If he chooses wrong one, don't let him grab it, remind him of instruction
  
• Hand John 4 bears
• Ask him to put them in the matching bowl
• Hand John 4 bears
• Ask him to hand me ONE bear (understanding the concept of one or two)
• make sure you wait to see if he is really handing you one bear or if he is handing them to you one at a time -- it's a different concept and he needs to distinguish the difference
• Show John a vehicle (for example Purple Airplane, Red Boat, Yellow Car, Green Train, Orange Fire Truck, or Blue School Bus)
  
• Ask him what it is
• Ask him what sound it makes or what it does; have him demonstrate
  
• Ask him what color it is
• Ask him to place it in the matching bowl
• Have him count how many vehicles are in each color before he puts it away
• Have him pick out one of each color or two of each color and hand to you
• Take out a Wooden Puzzle of Farm Animals
• Show John the puzzle and ask him to take out the Cow and hand to you
• when he does, make the animal sound
• After all the pieces are out, show John 2 animals, ask for him to find the one that oinks and put it in the puzzle
• Show John 2 more, ask him to take the Horse
  
• When he puts it in the puzzle, ask him to make the horse sound
• Have him say "Horse"
• Use bubbles or other reward to encourage child to finish a task.
  
• "If you finish the puzzle, we'll play with bubbles"
  

These are sample activities that teach concepts through play. Some children naturally learn these concepts through normal playing and interaction, as my daughter, Katie did in her early development. Early Intervention therapy is using play, with certain structure, to help develop these skills in at risk toddlers. I am not a therapist. I have not conducted research or done test groups. I'm a mother.

I've watched John in only 6 weeks increase his attention, language, and behavior. He knew his shapes, colors and animals prior to starting the class. He knew how to count to 20 and backwards from 10. But, he was impulsive, which made him unable to correctly match colors and shapes with consistency or on demand. Now, my family, as well as his therapists, are able to say he really does know these things. We are seeing him correctly answer with consistency, as well as consciously slow himself down to 'think' about the answer.

We have a long way to go, but I am convinced that early intervention is the best solution for 'at risk' toddlers. It is the best thing that has happened to us. When people hear about John's diagnosis, I often get "oh, I'm sorry". In response, I say "NO, it really is the best thing that they could have told us".

I encourage anyone who has that gut reaction that something isn't right to get help now. The earlier the intervention can happen the better. Children are sponges. Their brains are still developing. If you can get in and correct the delayed development, your child will be better off for it. Your life can get better. Your life will get better. The worst thing a parent can do is ignore that there is a problem. You can do something. Be proactive and embrace what you can do.